It's So Good to Be Alive

These are the flowers Sonia and I got one another for Valentine's Day. Most of them are still going strong.

Last Friday, I lost a friend. Molly was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as a child, and lived her life on borrowed time. She was diagnosed in the 80's, when it was rare for people to live past their teen years. She made it to 35.

Cystic fibrosis affects the lungs and digestive system. It's a hereditary condition in which the body produces heavy mucus and eventually shuts down multiple organs.

We lived together for three years, in a three-bedroom house in Center City with two different roommates. The first roommate was standoffish; the second became a friend.

Molly loved the Steelers, and she loved to drink. She was gorgeous and vibrant and blonde. She mastered the art of the flowy shirt to hide her CF-bloated belly. She was welcoming of my partners and curious about my queer identity. It seemed to me as though she simply hadn't known many gay people, especially women. Molly also loved men.

It was the early days of my nonprofit job. I went about three years without a day off, besides the common holidays. I remember one of the first weeks I took off, for a trip to Florida with my partner to see friends. It wasn't even a whole week.

Molly said, "You work so much. You deserve some time off."

At the time, I remember thinking I had her fooled. I didn't really deserve it.

I didn't have a clear picture then of how lazy many people are in their jobs. Instead of competing against humans, I was competing against my own best ideal of what I could do. I fell short every time.

Her words stayed with me. They brought tears to my eyes, even as I denied them. Over the years, they have rung in my ears whenever I'm being too hard on a friend, partner or coworker. I give myself permission to be generous in the way that Molly was to me. Even though I didn't think I deserved it, it felt nice to have someone else believe in both my hard work and inherent worth.

Just as we'd settled on what felt like a comfortable, drama-free household, our ancient landlady showed up one morning. She hadn't seen the neighborhood in 10 years, but that didn't stop her from using her own key to enter our home as Molly and I ate breakfast. She couldn't believe how the neighborhood had changed.

Within a month, we received notice that she would be selling the house. We needed to find a new home. Our roommate moved in with her boyfriend. Molly stayed with family for a brief time, then with the boyfriend who became her fiancé. I moved to West Philadelphia and made new friends.

Since Molly died, I've found myself reaching for Sonia more often, more desperately. The way I feel reminds me of the Stephen Dunn poem, I Came Home Wanting to Touch Everyone. Even in her death, Molly brings me an appreciation of each breath.

It's so good to be alive, to be able to work and love. No qualifications.

The Little Feminist Seamstress

I found Dai Sijie's Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress on a post-election booklist beside Orwell's 1984. It was a part of my last big Amazon purchase before I committed to the boycott (see Trump products and allies to boycott at #grabyourwallet).

The fact that I ordered it at all -- let alone picked it up shortly after it came in the mail -- makes me a little sheepish. At one point in my life, half of my male friends were dating Asian women. I'd scoffed at their sudden, put-on interest in everything Asian.

Now here I am dating a Korean woman and genuinely drawn to Asian-themed news stories, books and arts. Drawn, I should add, in a mostly white fashion: I'm curious about all of Asia, regardless of region or ethnic group. The exception is news stories about modern-day Korea.

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress is set in Communist China, when two city boys from middle-class families are sent to the countryside to be "re-educated." The center of the book is a young seamstress, raised by her father, just discovering her womanhood and power, alongside the two boys and a handful of Western classics in Chinese translation.

Spoiler alert.

I loved everything about this book: the vivid descriptions of the Chinese countryside, the dailiness of rights infringement in a totalitarian society and the way in which people resist oppression, in big and small ways.

We see the girl's strength when she handles an unplanned pregnancy without consulting her boyfriend. It's a powerful picture: this slip of a girl, all of eighteen, from the middle of nowhere with no education, pulling herself together to get an illegal abortion and high-tail it out of town, leaving the boys in the ancient dust.

So I resisted the last line: "She said she had learned one thing from Balzac: that a woman's beauty is a treasure beyond price."

That's not the lesson! It's anti-feminist! It's objectifying!

Then I took a breath. The last lines come to us through her rejected love, and may be unfair or inaccurate.

Another breath. Beauty and power are not mutually exclusive, and the journey to confidence often contains both, especially for young women.

Letter to Pat Toomey - Feb. 4, 2017

Senator Pat Toomey

248 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Senator Toomey,

Donald Trump was elected by the working, disenfranchised middle class. I have a unique perspective because I saw where my Berks- and Leigh-County-based family was in 2008, 2012 and 2016. It’s not what you would think.

My family is evenly divided between Blue Dog Democrats and middle class, Catholic Republicans.  In 2008, nearly everyone voted for Obama. In 2012, a token few went to Romney, but most still had faith that Obama would bring some kind of change to places like Reading and Allentown. In 2016, about half voted for Trump. At least a dozen former Obama supporters who I know intimately voted Trump into office, reaching for the most outlandish option in the hopes that he would “shake up” Washington.

If you want to survive Trump’s four years as a politician, distance yourself from him now. He’s appointing billionaires and deregulating Wall Street, and you’d better believe that we’re paying attention.

On Friday, Trump threatened the fiduciary rule, which protects people like me and my family from self-interested brokers. The fiduciary rule requires that brokers must make decisions in the best interest of their clients, not in the interest of their own portfolios.

We need Dodd-Frank and the Volcker Rule intact, to protect the American people from another runaway financial crisis. We don’t want to bail out the banks with our tax dollars any more.

P.S. Betsy DeVos is still a terrible idea. Come to the right side of history. She’s a terrible idea for Pennsylvania, and the nation. I know because I’ve been doing the work of education – and paying attention to the politics of it – for 15 years longer than she has.

~~~~~

To learn more about how YOU, reader, can fight back against Republican extremism, check out the Indivisible Guide. It was written by Obama White House staffers, and modeled after the ways in which the Tea Party worked against him throughout his Presidency. It's our turn. 

Letter to Bob Casey - Feb. 4, 2017

Senator Bob Casey

2000 Market St # 1870,

Philadelphia, PA 19103

Dear Senator,

Thank you for standing against the Muslim ban. It is unconstitutional on multiple points, beyond being careless and cruel. If we’re not careful, the United States of America is going to go back in time.

Our new president is pushing the limits of the constitution beyond the breaking point. We need all Democratic representatives at every level of government to actively work against every injustice he proposes. Many are worried that he is pushing so far so that even when he is opposed, we will still land on the wrong side of justice.

Please speak out against the following three priorities, in addition to continuing to hold the administration’s feet to the fire regarding the #Muslimban. I know that it’s a lot to keep track of, but we must keep energy high and not stand aside and give our democracy to a demagogue.

First, resist any attempt to destroy or disassemble Dodd-Frank and the Volcker Rule, which protects the American people from another runaway financial crisis. We don’t want to bail out the banks with our tax dollars any more.

Second, please speak out against the appointment of Betsy DeVos. She’s a terrible idea for Philadelphia, for Pennsylvania, and for the nation. I know because I’ve been doing the work of education – and paying attention to the politics of it – for 15 years longer than she has.

Third, continue to insist upon Trump’s release of his tax returns. This first of his crimes against American ethics, norms and traditions,  can still be the reason that we ultimately ensure that he has less than a 4-year term in office.

When you resist Trump, you are representing me as a constituent. Thank you in advance for doing everything you possibly can in the coming days, weeks, months and years. Let’s ensure this administration is as brief and painless as possible.

~~~~~

To learn more about how YOU, reader, can fight back against Republican extremism, check out the Indivisible Guide. It was written by Obama White House staffers, and modeled after the ways in which the Tea Party worked against him throughout his Presidency. It's our turn. 

Letter to Pat Toomey - Feb. 1, 2017

Senator Pat Toomey

100 W. Station Square Dr.

Suite 225Pittsburgh, PA 15219

Dear Senator Toomey,

Your voicemail box is full, so I’m writing instead. This is a dire time for America, and you will be hearing from me for four years if that is how long this presidency lasts.

Please consider changing your position on the unconstitutional Muslim ban. It legitimizes religious discrimination by the executive branch of the government, and we have to stand up and refuse to let America go back in time. It also endangers America’s position in the world, threatening our troops by breaking promises to citizens of other countries who helped them in the battlefield as translators and fixers. Finally, it creates a cultural climate that condones xenophobia, exacerbates racial tension and escalates hate crime.

Secondly, the citizens of the United States have not forgotten about Donald Trump’s tax return. I have at least a dozen relatives from the middle of PA (mostly Berks Co.) who voted for him, but still believe that he should release his tax returns. They bought the audit story for a while, but now they’re catching on.

This is an historic time in the United States. Many of us believe that Donald Trump’s days in office are numbered, but the outstanding question is: how long it will take our representatives in government to act on behalf of the American people? Will we have a democracy left when it is all over?

Please, be on the right side of history. Oppose Donald Trump and his dangerous policies.

Sincerely,

Educator & Concerned Citizen

P.S. I love my sanctuary city, and we were much safer before Jan. 20. Hands off!

~~~~~

To learn more about how YOU, reader, can fight back against Republican extremism, check out the Indivisible Guide. It was written by Obama White House staffers, and modeled after the ways in which the Tea Party worked against him throughout his Presidency. It's our turn. 

We Can All Write Our Reps -- Here's How

I haven't been blogging, but I have been writing. Mostly letters to my representatives, in the following categories:

• U.S. Senate (mine are Toomey & Casey)
• U.S. Congress (mine is Evans)
• PA Senate (mine is Williams)
• PA Congress (mine is Roebuck)
• PA Governor & Attorney General (Tom Wolf, Josh Shapiro)
• Philly Mayor, five city council at-large reps & one district rep

With the exception of a few city councilwomen, these are all straight men. Most of them are white. The exercise in learning who they were and that they represented me -- while I hadn't really bothered to learn much about them -- was eye-opening in itself. 

They are all Democrats with the exception of Pat Toomey, so he gets more letters from me. Interesting fact: U.S. Senators have multiple offices in various districts of the state (PA has seven; I imagine smaller states may have fewer). That means for each Toomey letter I write, there are eight copies: one to each district office, and one to the office in Washington, D.C. Even if he doesn't read one of them, his staffers will. 

As I share about my letter-writing on social media, several people have asked me for a copy of the letters. I debated sharing these letters on this blog. Was the content "queer" enough? Did it have anything to do with happiness? 

Jenny adeptly pointed out on a very cold walk the other evening that if it's coming from me, it's queer enough. And while happiness may not be in our politics right now, this is how I'm keeping my sanity. So here goes. 

For a how-to guide for your own activism, read the Indivisible Guide. Then feel free to steal any of my language or letters to send to your own representatives.